Trigger or Inspiration?

Last night, a friend of mine  who also loves writing  sent me something she’d written. We usually write in the same way: spontaneously, just pouring out whatever’s in our minds at the moment. That’s also how I’m writing this now, in the morning. Actually, I received her piece last night, but I was too sleepy to write anything, so I just wrote it in my head. Usually, thoughts like that disappear when I wake up… but this time, they didn’t. So here I am, finally writing about it.

Back to the topic  my friend asked me, “Why is it that we can only write when something triggers us?”
That made me think. For me, writing always comes from inspiration.

But what is a trigger, really? It’s something that sparks or moves you to do something  and yes, that’s true for me. I do need something to trigger my writing. But I prefer to call it inspiration, because that word feels more positive and meaningful to me.

I can’t really remember when I started writing, but I do remember a Bahasa Indonesia class where our teacher told us to write a short story. Mine was about friendship and rivalry in a volleyball game. I was inspired by Luna Torashyngu’s Lovasket series I think I read four out of the six books. I used to love reading novels, like, really love them.

Back in high school, I collected books by Luna Torashyngu and Esti Kinasih. And of course Dilan. I still remember having to chip in with my friend to buy the book. It was during my second year of high school, and surprisingly, I met a friend who was totally on the same wavelength we both loved anime and shared similar reading tastes. I love her so much, even though she’s always been such a cold person (she’s a bit warmer now, though sorry, Sa! 😆).

When I first read Dilan 1990, I was like, Oh my God, this is so good! I even started thinking that maybe Pidi Baiq is Dilan  the real Dilan who lost Milea and went searching for her on Twitter. Crazy thought, I know.

Then I read Esti Kinasih’s Cewek and literally laughed out loud. Jingga untuk Matahari, Jingga dalam Elegi, Fairish oh my God, just thinking about those books makes me miss high school so much.

Because of that love for reading, I started trying to write my own short stories. I always struggled to make them “short,” though in my mind, the story would just keep growing. But since it had to be short, I’d usually end it with something about friendship. If I’m not mistaken, that volleyball story was titled Volalley.

How did I come up with that title? Honestly, I have no idea. It just came to me maybe because I had just finished Lovasket.

Then one day, my teacher called me to her office. I was terrified. She was the type of teacher who was known to be strict and absolutely hated plagiarism  basically, the “killer teacher” everyone was afraid of. (Please, don’t let her ever read this 😅).

She asked me why I chose that title and why I wrote that story. And then to my surprise she said she loved it. I got a really good grade. I was so happy that someone actually enjoyed something I wrote.

Okay, back to the topic (again 😅). I know I’m talking too much, but remembering those moments just makes me feel nostalgic. After that, I started writing longer stories even posting some on Wattpad  but I always ended up taking them down. And that kept happening… until this blog was born.

I used to have another blog, but it was all over the place messy writing, messy thoughts.

So, why did I keep taking my writing down?
Because I was scared. Scared people wouldn’t like my writing. Scared they’d misunderstand it. My writing back then was honestly a mess no kidding.

Then one morning, a friend sent me a DM on Instagram. I don’t know why, but I suddenly opened my notes app and started writing. I sent it to her, and she said it was good. I shared it with a few other friends, and they also liked it.

And that’s how this blog started.

One of my friends once asked me, “Why don’t you write anymore? Why not join us again?”
And I answered, “Maybe later. I’m not in the mood. I don’t have inspiration.”
But the truth is, I was just lazy and a little scared.

I used to delete my posts because I was afraid of writing something wrong, of people misunderstanding, of somehow offending someone. Another fear of mine is that someone might dig into my stories, my profile, my life which is funny, because it’s not like that many people even read my blog!

But maybe that fear itself is my trigger. Because something inside me feels unsettled, and writing helps me process it.

Now, I’ve finally gathered enough courage to write again recklessly, maybe, but it feels good. I think this piece is better than my older blog posts. Before, I used to keep everything in the drafts on my laptop. But the first time I wrote “DM Pagi Ini,” I dared myself to send it to my friends and they told me it was good. Some even said, “Thank you for writing this.” That meant the world to me.

So I decided to start this blog again.

If one day this post disappears, it probably means my mood wasn’t great. But I really hope it stays. Because having this blog makes me want to write more, to think more, to express more.

So yes maybe that’s what a trigger really is. Something that stirs you up inside, something that doesn’t sit right and then you turn it into words.

For me, writing happens for two reasons:
First, because I have something to say.
And second, because I find inspiration.

Either way, writing helps me release my stress at least, it does for me.

Thank you for reading this.
I hope you find a lot of inspiration, not too many triggers 😄